I now know that Lyme was not done with me, but I was definitely done with it. I was done with the pile of pills that made me gag when I took them and gave me vitamin burps for hours. I was done with revolving my life around my treatments. I was done with having a tube in my chest. I was done with being afraid. And my wedding was coming.
The day I tried on wedding dresses was the day I decided I was not getting married with a tube in my chest. For better or for worse, I was DONE! I was getting a for-real wedding with a beautiful venue and a professional photographer and all my friends and family and a gorgeous dress. It was a very illogical and shallow moment, but I had already given up my hair for this damned thing and I wasn’t going to a) wear a dress I didn’t love to hide it, or b) have it immortalized in my wedding pictures. So I lied.
I lied to everyone. I lied to my fiancée. I lied to my family. I lied to my doctor. “I feel great! I’m all better! It’s amazing!” And I got the thing taken out in time for my wedding day.
The process was much easier than getting it put in, although a little more eewwy. It was another outpatient appointment with the surgeon. Instead of the expected gown-and-waiting-for-the-operating-room room, I was shown into a regular clinic room and told to only remove my shirt and put a gown on. When the surgeon came in, he explained no anesthetic, no sleep, he was just going to take it out. Wha?? And before I could even think of what to ask, snip snip went the stitches holding the plastic bracket to my skin, and he simply pulled. it. out. Ugh! It still makes me literally shudder to think of how it felt. It was quick, maybe 2 seconds, but the feeling of it…Remember the tube went in to my chest, above my left breast, and then ran up under the skin to just below my collar bone where it went into the vein. I imagine if a toy with a pull-cord could feel, it would be similar to that.
I got a bandage and was sent on my way. Nine months of IV antibiotic treatments were finally over. Months of piles of pills and supplements were finally over. Having Lyme disease was finally over? The tube was out, and I was done with it. And I hoped upon hope that my illogical and shallow moment didn’t come back to bite me.